Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
