It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
