none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
