Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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