The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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