no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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