So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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