i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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