I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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