Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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