She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
