How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
