i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
