3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
