her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
