hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
