that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
