and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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