Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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