That's when you crack a 10am beer
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
