oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
