I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
