I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
