I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
