My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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