yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
