Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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