Welp...herpes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
