so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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