Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We left the knife in your bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
