bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
