make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
