The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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