maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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