I bet he comes in French.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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