I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
