Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
