Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am naked and annoyed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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