he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
