I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
