he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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