We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
