why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The power of my boobs compel you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
