I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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