I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
