It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
