Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
