This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
