Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I want is dick and wine.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
