While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
