i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
