I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
